My first kiss

My first kiss was with some douche named Raul.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know he was a douche at the time.

I was 15 years old and he was 17. I was a sophomore in high school and was a senior. I think him being a senior dating an underclassmen gives you the douche idea I was talking about earlier. Tip to all high school girls: Don’t date a senior. Obviously, they just want to get laid as much as possible before going off to college.

Anyway, back to my first kiss.

So I loved this douche. I call him my first love. I’m not sure what love exactly feels like. I’m not sure anyone does and I’m sure no one knows what is the “appropriate” age to fall in love or whether or not love even gives a damn how old you are when it selfishly hits you. All I know is it felt like electric every time I touched this guy or thought about him or looked at him, I wanted nothing more than to make him happy, and I became immensely happy whenever I heard his name. That, in my mind, is love.

He was a friend of my brother’s. He chased me for a year before I even gave him a chance. I was extremely shy, dressed like a Mormon, and basically made it my mission to ward off any and every guy who tried to talk to me so he had to go through a lot of loops and dead ends just to talk to me. I think because of this, I started to notice him and took a likening to him because he was the first to try so hard to break my walls down.

He visited my house one day late in the afternoon to play video games with my brother. Somehow, it led to us being alone downstairs sitting on the couch together. It was dark, outside of a few glimmers of moon light shining through a nearby window.

He had just built up enough confidence to ask to kiss me and we sat in complete dark side by side awaiting my answer. I was literally sweating bullets. Kiss?! This guy wants to kiss me?!” He might as well have asked to have sex with me (oddly enough, two years after this incident, I did end up having sex, haha). It was completely unexpected and I immediately thought “There is no way I would kiss anyone (Think again, past Olivia. You do more than that). He patiently waited for my answer as I sat there in silence. I think we literally sat there for about an hour or two while I debated this question back and forth in my mind. Honestly, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to kiss him… I just had a little problem. I had not brushed my teeth first! I was terrified of what he may have thought. It was getting close to two full hours passing and Raul had fallen asleep next to me waiting for my answer. He suddenly woke up and I turned to him:

“I can’t kiss you… because I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

His eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow. I thought he would be upset that I had him wait that long just to hear that, but he wasn’t. “Is that all? I don’t care!”

Then he leaned in and kissed me.

It was wet and completely closed mouth (thank God). It was long, and we had closed our eyes. It was so cliche. So Hollywood.

I think I may have melted in that moment.

But my skin was intact and nothing got onto his clothes, so I guess I was of normal body temperature and didn’t melt after all.


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